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Monday, February 7, 2011

How to turn around your self-destructive thoughts.

I just sent an email to my new pal, Ashelle from Pink Beautiful Love, and I realized when I was about to send it that it sounded like the makings of a new post. So here you go!

As you may know, especially if you've been in an abusive relationship, if someone tells you something enough times and for long enough, eventually you'll believe it.

Well, the good news is, this works for the things YOU tell yourself too. This goes hand in hand with what you were saying about the "fake it til you make it" mentality. When you act confident and when you tell yourself that you ARE some point, you can't help but BECOME more confident. Instead of listening to the lies in your mind that you're not good enough, flip those around as soon as you "hear" them into something better. "I'm not worthy of X" becomes "I am so grateful that I am worthy of X." "I wish I were more X" becomes "I'm so glad I'm X." Act like you already ARE/HAVE X even if you don't think it's true yet; soon, you will. It's a very powerful turnaround in phrasing that truly can make all the difference. Changing the tape recordings in your mind that play over and over is vital to changing your perception of yourself. 

I actually went to hypnotherapy somewhat for this. I did two sessions, one on letting go of fears and one on letting go of the anger I had after my mom died. I had a half-hour of counseling and then a half-hour of hypnotherapy each time. Let me first dispel any myths you may have about hypnotherapy. It's not like what you've seen on TV where they make someone quack like a duck. You're not actually in a trance; you're just in a SUPER relaxed state where your subconscious is penetrated more easily. My hypnotherapist also put my sessions on CDs for me in mp3 format, and now and again, I'll still listen to them as I'm falling asleep. So when I say that I know firsthand that telling yourself something over and over again until you believe it works...I know what I'm talking about! You do have to believe that it's going to work, though, or it probably won't; that's fairly true of anything in life. You have to be accepting and open to it and allow it to do what it's supposed to do.

flickr photo by AXEHD

A BIG thank you, thank you to Medicinal Marzipan for featuring my extremely-hard-to-write-but-necessary post, Jenarcissist Bares All: A History of Insecurity, in her latest Body Loving Blogosphere for 2/6/11. This is where she does a roundup of blog posts about self-confidence, and let me tell you, there are some especially good ones in this edition! I've recommended her blog to y'all at least a couple times before (see that Body Image Warrior badge in the sidebar too?) - our two blogs have somewhat similar goals behind them but with different presentations. She writes beautifully, and I just know you will relate to her and instantly feel more validated and self-assured just from reading her blog!

And another BIG thank you to Ashelle for discussing my post on her blog as well and being raw and open in her own right as she talked about it. I know it wasn't that easy for her to do either, and I commend her for doing it anyway. She is bravely facing some difficult stuff right now, but it is going to soon lead her into a new and better perception of herself. I, for one, am kinda excited to sit back and watch it happen. ;)

Over the last week or so, I've been doing a lot of searching around the net for posts about self-love in general. Marzi, please don't think I'm trying to copy your roundup, lol, but here are a few that I've found that really spoke to me (one of hers is included in the list too). But do please make sure to check out the ones she lists in her roundup too! (I've started trying to involve myself more on BlogHer, and I'm amazed at the quality of writing and content you can find there; their Own Your Beauty campaign [see other sidebar badge] is phenomenal and I'm sure is opening doors for girls and women everywhere.) (one gal's willingness to post a real swimsuit photo and confront all the hard things associated with that) ("On Not Being Afraid of Your Own Ambition") 

My wish for you is to start your week off ignoring the Monday Blahs and treating yourself well and telling yourself good things about who you are. 

What is a reoccurring thought you have about yourself that you are now deciding to turn around?


Robbie said...

Great advice, sometimes it's really hard to focus on the good things, rather than the bad. I definitely need to take away the Monday blues and try and be more positive. I think that I need to complain less.
Thanks for your sweet comment.


Rita Arens said...

Thanks so much for checking out BlogHer's Own Your Beauty posts. I am a huge fan of them, too. :) We're going to put a shout-out to this post on the Own Your Beauty facebook wall -- love your round-up.

Jenarcissist @ the closet narcissist said...

@Robbie, I know what you mean...I had to work hard to retrain my brain to stop always jumping to the worst case scenario in everything! Once I started following this technique, it completely revolutionized my thoughts, and therefore, my entire outlook on life!

@Rita, I already said thanks in a couple of places, but it bears repeating! I'm honored to have been featured on Own Your Beauty's page!

Ashelle said...

Thank you for sharing about how you have found hypnotherapy to be helpful in your journey towards loving yourself. It's really helpful to read about this. Also, it's great that you rounded-up blog posts that you have found helpful. I will be sure to check these out after my exam :) Take care.

Natalie MacNeil said...

Thanks so much for sharing such a personal part of yourself and for discussing your experience with hypnotherapy. For Valentine's Day I decided to share my own personal story about finding self-love after experiencing the pressures of being in the fashion industry. There's nothing like self love :)

The Most Difficult Post I've Written So Far: My Journey to Self Love

Kat said...

You are slowly but surely helping me change myself as I make it through your blog. Thank you. Self-love is a wonderful feeling. Thank you again.

Jenarcissist @ the closet narcissist said... don't even know how to wrap my mind around it when someone says something like that...but I am so grateful to be playing a part in that. It feels amazing, and I'm glad for whatever we can do! You will get there!! :)

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