A Special Visit with Ally

Dinner at The Vortex

This past weekend, we had the great honor of welcoming our friend Ally (Shybiker in the blogosphere) to Atlanta for a visit with us! Ally and I have known each other for six years and have some mutual friends in common. We’ve been exchanging mail, gifts, emails, and phone calls for a long time now. 

In case you aren’t familiar with her blog yet, Ally is transgender. She is a woman through and through, although she might be dressed in male clothing sometimes, and I have truly never thought of her as anything but. 

She knew she was a girl as early as three years old, but despite a loving relationship otherwise with her parents, she was never allowed to live as a girl. As my mother-in-law put it, it would be like telling a child with brown eyes to have blue eyes instead. But a lot of people in Ally’s world don’t see it that way, which is unfair, but it’s what she learned to live with growing up and even sometimes as an adult. 

Lookin' lovely. What fun to do her makeup.

In the last few years, she’s started finally giving HERSELF permission to be who she really is (because that’s the only permission any of us really needs, right?), and her blog has chronicled that journey beautifully. She’s learning all about clothes and makeup and all the other things she always wanted to do but didn’t feel she could, and she’s going a great job. 

She is also very, very shy. She doesn’t like attention drawn to her in big groups, although she can rock a courtroom like nobody’s business. I was hoping I could convince her to present as female in public here…trust me when I say you can do that in Atlanta without people batting an eye. There’s a very strong trans community here. She just was not ready, though, and I respect that too. People have to do things on their own time. Doesn’t mean I’m not going to keep nudging her about it, though. ;) Presenting as female would not mean she became more female, however. She is who she is regardless of how she might be dressed at the time. I just want her to someday have the joy (and, yes, excitement and butterflies too!) of knowing what that feels like. I think one day she will, and we will have a party to celebrate. 

Thrift sto' checkout!

The shoes!! Wish we'd tried the white boots.

We were able to go thrift store shopping one afternoon, a fave pastime for both of us. I loved seeing how she was totally comfortable looking through all the women’s clothing and buying it. That wasn’t something she would even entertain when we first met because she was scared, and it was beautiful to see her nonchalance about it in person. We also did a photoshoot of her in the backyard after I did her makeup, and that was tons of fun! (I’m really looking forward to seeing the outfit posts she comes up with around her thrifted finds - she got some good ones!)

My best friend came over one night so we could just enjoy girl talk, and she LOVED Ally and is still talking about what a great energy she has. She said she felt like Ally was another aunt for us, which I think fits perfectly. Ally was exactly like I thought she would be in person.

One thing I have to point out publicly so Ally knows I am serious - and it’s not to embarrass her. But she, for some reason, feels like our friendship scale is tipped. She feels like I’ve always been a better friend to her than she’s been able to be for me. This baffles me completely. Throughout the last six years, she’s listened to countless emotional outpourings, donated money for sick dogs when we didn’t know how we were going to afford their treatment, and generally allowed me to be myself with no judgment. That is priceless. Even wonderful people in your life don’t always “get you” 100%, but there is never that feeling with her. Being allowed to be MYself and her being allowed to be HERself…well, that sounds pretty even to me! She even cared to hear about my old high school insecurities and seeing my letter jacket…and just having someone who delights in all the things that make you YOU is very special. 

Here are some of the other highlights!

Things I “regret” (event though I don’t really regret anything from this visit!):

Vintage BMW bike at The Vortex since she's a biker! 

The waiter took a selfie on my phone.
Which I'd think was a flirting attempt, but...lol.

• Forgetting to offer fresh towels and a basket of fluffy towels and fancy soaps. At least I remembered to put some yummy bubble bath in the bathroom and even washed the towels…for a mom of a toddler, that’s pretty good.
• I wish we had had more dress-up time! But I’m thankful for what we got. I’d have been so sad if she’d gone home and we didn't have that. 
• I wish we had taken a walk somewhere. Especially after all the incredible meals we had (none of which I can take credit for, unfortunately.) But it was pretty cold and/or rainy.
• I wish we had watched a movie at some point. I really wanted to introduce Ally to The Babysitter’s Club, heehee. But we had plenty of talk time, which was way more important.
• We forgot to buy so many things from the grocery store! We practically had nothing, including toilet paper, even though we had just shopped. How does that happen?!
• We never introduced her to okra or grits - two true southern staples! But she was introduced to fried zucchini at an Atlanta restaurant called The Vortex. I’d say that’s a win because we both decided there was crack in the batter. Atlanta might not represent what traditional “southern” means, but we still love our southern food. 
• I didn’t much like the saying goodbye part either.

BFFs with my dawg.

Highlights of the visit (obvs, just a handful because there was so many!):

• Seeing Ally’s face when she looked in the mirror for the first time after I’d just done her makeup. That was such a priceless moment. You don’t even know. She just looked at herself in amazement. (Although she doesn’t give herself enough credit for her own makeup skills.)
• Just seeing her presenting as female at our house in person was priceless, even more than all the pictures I’ve seen over the years. Watching her entire face and posture and the way she carried herself change as soon as she was donning a dress was so amazing and made me want that for her 24-7 even more. It was a visceral, dramatic transformation, even though all I ever see when I look at her is a woman, regardless of how she is dressed, whether she has a wig on, and what name she chooses to introduce herself with to various people. Again, it wasn’t that she “became” more female by putting on the dress. It’s that seeing her relax into herself was nothing short of beautiful, as was (is) she, inside and out.
• Hearing that the room she stayed in was indeed the girliest bedroom of her childhood dreams. I didn’t care what any other room in the house was like as long as that one was just right for her.
• When she said how clean our house was, that it was beyond just cleaning for her and that we must just live that way. Boy, we sure have her fooled.
• How well Ally and my husband hit it off. That was not surprising in the least, since they can both talk to anyone and pretty much get along. But they really had a great time talking and had a lot of things in common. I especially enjoyed when Ally would ask him something really deep…he’s not one to volunteer a lot of emotional-type things on his own, but he will when prodded. It was really interesting to hear the answers he gave to some of the questions and made me love him even more. 
• Seeing my three-year-old daughter give Ally a kiss when she was saying goodbye. She is still talking about her.
• Seeing how much my pets adored her. Not a surprise since I already how much she loves animals. But one of my dogs in particular is pretty resistant to strangers and very barky, and it took her almost no time to warm up to Ally’s gentle, patient, and loving nature. Most people are put off by my loud and exuberant dog, even dog-lovers. But Ally wasn’t taking no for an answer when it came to friendship. They really formed a special bond.
• All of Ally’s questions are so poignant and really make you think. It’s always been that way, in all our various types of correspondence, but even more so in person. Although sometimes when she asks something like, “What kind of furniture do you want for your new house?” you wonder if she’s just curious or really plotting to buy you an entire houseful of furniture. (Ally, we don’t need anything!!!)
• I loved proving to her that people in Atlanta truly don’t care what your gender is and how you present it. We ran into other trans folks just about everywhere we went. Even though we didn’t talk to them, I think just seeing them was a comfort and inspiration to her. 
• It was initially going to be a Friday through Sunday deal. Getting to the airport for her flight home on Sunday, only to find out it had been canceled and she could stay with us one more day, was awesome!

All in all, it was a wonderful visit, still felt too short, and will hopefully be repeated sooner than later. Thank you, Ally, for gracing us with your presence and for being such a wonderful friend!

Saying bye at the airport. Our smiles belie our real feelings. :(

If you'd like to read about our visit from Ally's perspective (she has a beautiful and touching writeup), check it out here.

How to be a Confident Entrepreneur

As an entrepreneur and mom (a "mompreneur"), I am well aware of the daily hits confidence can take. Motherhood and entrepreneurship bring you face-to-face with every insecurity you never knew you had. Each make you wonder if you're good enough even though you love it. Each will bring out aliveness, fears, passions, emotions, stresses, wonderment, highs, and lows. Try doing both at the same time like I am (with a toddler, no less!), and you're probably gonna struggle with low confidence sometimes and question if you're cut out for either one and why the hell you ever thought you could do a good job. A business is like another child, and both require a great deal of nurturing and responsibility. Sometimes it all gets a little overwhelming.

I worked in the corporate world for a long time and was severely unhappy. But I kept sticking with it because it was good experience and because I was afraid that I couldn't make it on my own. Entrepreneurship runs in my blood from both sides of my family, and I knew "someday" I would be one. I struggled along in misery waiting for the day that would magically feel like "someday." Then I got laid off. I got hired again but decided to amp up my freelance business I'd had going forever and see if maybe I could take it further. But I got burned out after a while. I decided I couldn't have a regular job, be a mom, and have my own business, so my own business had to go. Two days after I made that decision, I got laid off for the second time. WTF?! I took that as the ultimate sign that someone was not gonna allow me to get out of it so easily! My husband - who had kept telling me all along not to give up on my business - and I decided I would not look for another job, that I would instead devote that time and energy to my business. After a couple days of quaking in my boots and being afraid I couldn't do my part to take care of our family, I jumped in with both feet even more seriously than I had ever been before. I'm no longer doing it on the side or "hoping it will work out." I am making it work out. Shiz got real. I have myself a full-fledged marketing strategy, design, and writing business that lights my fire like no job I've ever had - and guess who I am helping? Other entrepreneurs. Clients are falling in my lap without all the traditional "trying hard" - clients that light my fire too, awesome people that I care about helping. Not to mention one stressful day working for myself makes me a million times happier than one good day working for someone else. 

But even with all of this, I have down days. I have nights where I lie awake with my hamster wheel spinning in my brain, telling me that maybe it wasn't really a sign from the universe when I got laid off…maybe all this is just a fluke…seriously, who am I to think I'm capable of doing this?! 

So here is what is working for me. This is not really new information, but maybe the way I'm packaging it will resonate with you. If you are thinking of launching your own business or already have one and wonder if you can do it, I promise if you follow these three guidelines, it will catapult you in the right direction!

1) Hire a coach already!

I love to tell the story about how I met my coach, Francoise Everett with Guilt-Free Mothering. We attended the same networking event for women, and I "happened" to sit next to her. It's customary at these events for everyone to say their name and what their business is, and when she stood and said the words "Guilt-Free Mothering," I had absolutely no idea what she meant or what she does, but I turned to her and said, "I need to talk to you." So, afterward, we did. I found out that she coaches entrepreneurial moms to help them not only launch or enhance their business but also release guilt from their role as a mom and find real ways to manage all the responsibilities without losing sanity or sacrificing yourself or your family. I was an easy sell on the one hand because I instantly realized the value in something like that. I'd been freelancing on the side for several years, but actually trying to make your own business your livelihood is a whole other ballgame, and getting some professional guidance made total sense! I also struggle a lot with guilt as a mom, and knowing she could teach me to overcome that would be a gift to my daughter and to me. Business coaching + mom coaching = a two-fer! Plus, I instantly liked her. I knew we'd hit it off and that she would be able to get through to me. And if you're going to pay someone to coach you and spend oodles of time with them, you'd better like 'em as a person.

The part that held me back was cost. I was afraid I couldn't afford it. But do you know that when I decided it would work and that the investment would go right back into my business, that was when the universe recognized I was taking my business seriously…that was when things began to open up. Quickly. It's kind of like how hiring someone to do your marketing for you (such as myself) is an investment back into your business. Sometimes we need an expert in their field to hold our hand and guide us to where we need to be. It might be a lifestyle coach who helps you figure out what you want to do with yourself. It might be a parenting coach. It might be a business coach. It might be a confidence or happiness coach. Whoever it is, when you take that step and realize you don't have to handle it all yourself, it opens up great things in your life. Even my coach has a coach. No one on this earth is done growing. We can all use strategy from someone who's been there. Someone to get straight with us and drill down to the root of whatever holds us back (that we didn't even know was holding us back). Here are some coaches you can look into, and this is only a sampling of what's out there. 

Guilt-Free Mothering with Francoise - for entrepreneurial moms and women
Stratejoy with Molly Mahar - for women in transition (relationships, motherhood, business, etc.)
Mara Glatzel - for self-love and growth
Hey Shenee - business and branding coaching
Moxie with Elizabeth Malone - to get your sexy back
Passion Fruit with Wendy Watkins - getting you in touch with your purpose and passion

2) Comparison is an evil joy-sucker!

This is Self-Confidence 101 for any area in your life. I'm always preaching that we need to stop comparing our looks and lives to other women and stick together because everyone struggles. I've gotten better about that, but running a business is quite a responsibility, and looking at what others in your field are doing, while often valuable, can make you wonder if you're as good as someone else. The main thing to remember here is: you have a story only you can tell. No one else in the whole wide world can bring your experiences and your particular gifts to the table. You don't have to cater to everyone - and, in fact, you shouldn't. You only have to cater to the kind of people you specifically want to help and who are a good fit. Something about you and the way you view the world will be the best fit for the right type of client. They like your approach, and you don't even have to sell them too hard. The clients who aren't the right fit go elsewhere, but that's good, because they leave space for the right ones to fill. It's a little like the day you meet your BFF...you get this feeling inside that a partnership with that client is going to enrich both your lives. 

Most days, I feel confident in my talents and abilities to do what I do. It feels not only like a passion but a compulsion, like I simply must do it. But it's so easy to let doubt creep in when my defenses are down. I recently ran across a website for a super talented designer - and I admit that when I was first looking at her site, I felt intimidated until I realized her target client is completely different from mine. And until I found this blog post she wrote (You are gooder than that. Just keep going. And going. And going.) where she discusses her own insecurities that pop up. I thought, "If someone that talented struggles with self-doubt, EVERY entrepreneur probably does." And you know what? They do! Even the best of the best at the top of the entrepreneurial totem pole of success and fame STILL goes to bed occasionally wondering why they ever thought they were cut out for this and what they could possibly have to offer that isn't already being done. It's okay to be scared and feel doubt. Acknowledge the feelings; don't run from them. But remember what we feel in one moment in time does not have to define how we feel overall. 

3) Come from a place of authenticity and love. 

I did a target client exercise that my coach sent me that really drilled down into the specifics of the "ideal client" I can best help. It really got me thinking about one particular client of mine who is often stressed and burning the candle at both ends. We hadn't done any work on her business in a little while because she felt she couldn't take on anything else. I asked myself how I could try to make her feel a little better. So I texted her and told her that I hoped she would have some time to relax over the weekend and that she deserved a break. I wasn't trying to get back on her radar. I was coming from a place of genuine compassion for her. Another example is that I sent someone I met an email telling her tactfully that her website was not reaching its full potential. I wasn't trying to win her over as a client; I simply wanted to help her in some way, whether she hired me or someone else to handle it. She's in her business partly to make a living - as we all are - and was incredibly appreciative of my being willing to be honest with her.

What I do for people is more than a marketing plan to make them more money; it's getting to know them and trying to make their lives easier in some way, to make them feel supported. In just about any line of work, you're offering people some kind of service beyond just what your business is about. If you're an IT professional, you're maintaining networks and workstations so they run smoothly - and your clients' lives and jobs run more smoothly as a result. That's a service within a service. Even if you feel there is no possible service within the service for your line of work, simply being nice and smiling at people makes people's days better. When you can connect with that feeling of higher purpose, when you focus not only on what you can do but the WHY behind what you do (the passion, the drive, and making a difference in some way), that's when the magic happens. Always come from a place of truth and authenticity. That is what will attract clients to you. That's who people like to be around. And besides that, I am in love with my business, and I LOVE my clients. I love seeing their faces light up; I live for hearing their sighs of relief when they realize I'm going to help them through.

I questioned for a while if I wanted to write this post and have it associated with my business in any way. It's easy to feel like you have to present a perfect image to your clients 100% of the time or run the risk of them thinking you're not professional enough or qualified to be advising them. But what I am finding more and more is that people just want the freedom to be real and to work with people who are real too. Being vulnerable enough to admit my insecurities and struggles doesn't make me less qualified for anything at all. It makes me a real, accessible, relatable human being. The designer that wrote that blog post about her own insecurities? If I were the type of client who needed what she does, I'd hire her any day over someone who tried to look like they have it all together because she was authentic.

So here's my challenge to you. 

Try out these three guidelines for at least six weeks. Then see if you aren't in a very different place from where you started. 

What are your own strategies for kicking entrepreneurial self-doubt out on its ass with its ratty suitcase?

Confidence in Following Your Career Dreams

This is the "Note from the Universe" I got in my email the day after I got laid off from my job after seven years this summer:

Me? Concerned, Jennifer? Let's see, at the moment, you're exactly where you're supposed to be. Whenever the going has gotten tough, you've always bounced back even higher than you were before.  And, somehow, you keep getting even better looking. But you are a dear for thinking of me. Mmmmmwaw - The Universe

Needless to say, losing my job totally threw me in so many ways. Even though layoffs are rarely personal (I wasn't fired), you still feel like it's personal. Why me? Why was I the one chosen...and when I had a new baby, at that? 

I got a month's severance pay and started frantically looking for a new job. I was terrified. Would I find one quickly enough that would allow me to continue working from home to be with my daughter? Was I good enough to work for someone else after doing the same thing over and over for seven years? What if we couldn't pay our bills after the severance pay ran out? Granted, the job was not one I had ever really liked in that span of time, and I won't bore you with why. But it had become...comfortable. Well, in its own way. Comfortable in that I was familiar with everything and knew what was expected of me. It was fairly mindless and could be easily accomplished while my daughter was napping. It was also decidedly uncomfortable in many ways as well. Even though sometimes I complained about the mindlessness and wanting to use my creativity more, what if a new job required more than I was able to give while still giving my daughter enough of me? 

It finally started coming to me what I already knew and had known for some time: I want to do my own thing. I want to do freelance graphic design, writing, and editing, and I want to have enough clients to help with my share of the expenses and then some. I want to enjoy my work again! I want to feel that fervor and have it spill over into the other areas of my life, to have my daughter pick up on that sense of pride and freedom instead of the same old drudgery every day. I decided I was okay with being laid off, that bigger and better things were coming for me, and that losing my job was just the swift kick in the ass I needed to stop letting fear of the unknown hold me back. I didn't have the luxury anymore of doubting my talents. I needed to find a way to make money again! The irony of staying at a job that is unfulfilling because you lack the confidence to branch out is that the longer you stay doing the same old thing, the more it eats away at your confidence.

It was precisely within days of mentally accepting the layoff that they called and wanted to rehire me. And not just rehire me. Promote me. What did I do, you ask? Did I tell them to shove it and then go out and start making tons of money on my own? I wish. No. We have a child and pets and a mortgage. After much deliberation, I went back. I can't say I even got much satisfaction knowing they wanted me back. I really had become accustomed to the idea that I was going to start doing my own thing and make it work. But "in this economy," which I think has officially become a real cliché now, you are told to take what you can get.

But. Between the time I was laid off and rehired, I got a hastily written email from a friend who found out I was laid off and had another friend who might be looking for some freelance writing work. Her regular writer was on vacation, and they found themselves with extra work that needed to be done. This woman didn't know me from Adam, but she took a chance on me. Three times. And she really liked what I wrote. She popped into my world and gave me the chance to experience what it felt like to enjoy my work again. To some people, the things I wrote might have seemed boring. But they lit me up just because I was putting words together and using them to make some type of impact. You might have noticed I really love the power of words! She also gifted me with the opportunity to regain some of my old confidence back. I did some freelance assignments, and someone liked them enough to pay me for them! Now, that is a boost. I've been freelancing off and on through the years, but it felt differently to have someone like my work when I had actually decided I wanted this to be my full-time gig.

Through her, I ended up attending some networking events, which required me to finally finish updating my portfolio and get my own business cards printed for the first time, a big step in telling the Universe, "Hey, this is what I'm doing now!" I was scared to death to go and was sweating bullets. Who did I think I was to assume I was good enough to make a living out of my talents and start passing out business cards? But I met some really important people through those events that changed me and my perspective in some way, not to mention some potential clients. I can only say that I was exactly where I was supposed to be in those moments in time.

And you know what - I totally surprised myself. One of the events had an amazing speaker, Wendy Watkins of Passion Fruit, and the entire lecture was taped. Not knowing this at first, I found myself raising my hand to contribute when she asked questions. I went from not knowing anyone in the room (yet) and feeling clammy to realizing I had some important things to share and feeling like I'd burst if I didn't say them. The other women in the room actually laughed with me at some of my comments and nodded or verbalized their agreement, validating that what I was sharing was meaningful. (I've been told I made the cut for the videos that will be posted on her web site sometime soon, so I'll see if I actually appeared as brilliant in reality as I was in my memory, haha, and share them with you if I was!) And when the speaker asked what our passions were outside of work and family, do you know what my answer was? This blog. This blog that has given me the opportunity to help girls and women change the way they see themselves for the better. In addition to wanting to get my freelance career off the ground, I really want to take this thing places. I have a message to deliver in a way that only I can deliver it. 

I'm sad to say I have found myself getting "comfortable" again in my job. Because I'd been there so long, I eased right back on in. There was no wondering what to expect. Maybe there is or was a place for that mentality. But no more. I'm publishing this post as my written letter of intent to the Universe that I am going for it. As I was telling the woman I'm consulting as my business/time management/mom-life coach from Guilt-Free Mothering (whom I met at one of the networking events), comfort zones are not always actually that comfortable. It might be easier to have a mindless job in one sense. But blandness eats away at you. I don't want a work life of bland. I want a work life of Tony's Cajun seasoned salt. heehee I want to be that girl in the movies who suddenly decides she can't take it anymore and quits her job, with no concrete plan for what happens next, just throwing all caution to the wind. Like Julia in the show "Parenthood" just did. Does that really work in real life? I don't know. Maybe for people who can survive a while on one income or people with huge savings accounts. I have a family counting on me, so I don't plan on doing anything rash. I do, however, plan on taking some risks and finally getting more than just a taste of what it's like to enjoy my work. I'm ready to lay fear to waste and take the design, writing, and editing world by storm!

My name is Jennifer, and I AM a graphic designer, writer, and editor. And illustrator. And whatever else I decide to pursue! And I am damn good at what I do, with enough clients under my belt to vouch for it, so no longer will I let doubt creep in and sidle up next to me. I've learned, at least for myself, that when I conquer one fear, another one inevitably takes form. For instance, first I'm worried that I'm not good enough to pay the bills as a freelancer...I kick that fear in the butt and decide to go for it. But that gives way to the next fears. What if I'm so successful that I become too busy and even more stretched than I already am? What if I find out it's not all it's cracked up to be, and I miss the structure and comfort of a full-time job? I'm a bit afraid of success because, not ever having known it, I don't know what kind of changes it will mean in my life. 

Something my husband often says when my thoughts are spiraling and I am having a hard time making a decision (even when I know in my gut what I should do) is, "What's the worst that can happen?" And when I answer that question, I usually realize that the worst ain't that bad or at least isn't any worse than my current situation if I do nothing. Tonight, when I was hesitant to go to another networking event because I would be a little late, I asked him, "What if I get there and I can't get in?" and he replied simply, "Then you'll come home." It sounds so elementary. But when he put it like that, suddenly it didn't seem so huge to at least attempt going, and I hustled myself out the door and was immensely glad I went. Instead of focusing so hard on conquering fears, I think what I really need to be asking myself is how am I going to feel this time next month or next year if I have not taken steps to change my current situation? And also this question: what if I find I really, really like it?! I was afraid of being a mom too, but my desire to be a mom was bigger than my fear...now I wonder how I ever could have second-guessed myself. Having her is waaay better than I even knew it could be. 

While I'm at it, I want to see my name in lights. Ha! What that means for me, I don't even know yet, but I know I want to see it.

Since I started with a quote-type thing, I'll end with one as well. This one I came across on Twitter.

In almost every case, nothing is stopping you, nothing is holding you back 

but your own thoughts about yourself and "how life is." - NealeDWalsch

Do you like your job? If money were no object, what job would you be doing? 

What is holding you back from having the job of your dreams?

The pictures, with their credits, can be found on the TCN Pinterest under Jen's Vision Board.

Our First Craft Fair!

Okay, so this actually happened on April 21, and I'm only just now getting around to posting about it. :) Kam and I had our first booth at a small, local fair. Neither of us had ever done anything quite like that, and it was a great experience. We had our usual self-love necklaces, in addition to some new designs we hope to have listed in our shop soon: some cute, narcissistic necklaces and hair pins. I had a popped blood vessel in one eye that day, and let me tell you, I had to work harder to feel confident when I was supposed to be looking people in the eye and selling confidence jewelry. I pushed through and had some of the most amazing conversations with people that day that I will always remember, and I'm glad I didn't let it stop me. Truthfully, I almost didn't go, and Kam told me that wasn't an option. Real friends remind you of what's really important and encourage you to brave your fears.

We only sold two necklaces, but you know what? I could tell their messages really meant something to the two people who bought them. They each pored over everything we had to make sure they were getting just the right ones that spoke to them. I feel like it would be sort of a breach of trust to publicly tell why they got the ones they did, even if their stories were inspirational to me. Suffice it to say they were both amazing, strong women who will take the messages to heart. That, to me, means more than how many we sold. It was also interesting to hear other takes on our messages, and it goes to show that each one can have a different, yet equally powerful, meaning to you depending on your experiences and what you need.

Here are some pictures from our day!

Not quite finished setting up here; I don't think we got one of the final table in all its glory! :( 

You know me...Rob had to come along and lend his support by sporting a hat and some necklaces.

Only one person (besides me) asked to have their picture taken with him - I was shocked! 

He did get a lot of attention, though.

 A sneak peak at some of our new designs.

An accidentally broken mirror became Kam's display inspiration!

Something I hope she always believes at her core.

Kam with her daughter peeking over her shoulder.

Get your own self-love-inducing necklace here! :)

Confidence in Being a New Mom

You've probably read about my struggles with confidence before...you know the journey I was on to get to where I got. Well, let me assure you, nothing has ever tested my confidence level quite so much as being a mom!

I second-guess every decision I make. I constantly wonder am I good enough for what this perfect little baby deserves. I feel helpless and inadequate sometimes and wonder why the hell I ever thought I could be a mom. But then some days I feel like the best mom ever (besides my own) and rest in the knowledge that I will make mistakes but that she will be okay because no one will ever love her the way I love her. She's one month old already now, and we're still learning each other and figuring out our routines. Between a scare about her weight dropping too much at one point and breastfeeding challenges, I can really work myself into a frenzy of "mom guilt," feeling like I'm failing her. But, really, when I step back and look, I am doing a good job. All new moms go through a slightly crazy period the first two or three weeks after delivery. Your whole life has changed in an instant (or, in my case, after 39 hours of labor, lol), and not only that, but you suddenly have this tiny little person that you love so much you can hardly bear it. You feel pressures you never knew before and would do anything, anything, just to make them happy, healthy, and safe. I'm learning as I go, as all new moms do. Some days are filled with crying - mine, not hers! - because I'm so scared of everything. Others are calm and peaceful as I just hold her and watch her face because it's so lovely that I can't look away. It's up and down but all amazing. I've officially done the one thing in my life that I couldn't have lived without, and that in itself gives me confidence if I think about it. I can hardly believe she's here; every action I made my whole life has been leading up to her, and now, here she is. So many choices that I made in life were because I was thinking of my future daughter.

Whenever I start feeling really scared and overwhelmed, my husband reminds me of my pregnancy, labor, and delivery. It's definitely something I should mentally call upon any time I feel like I can't do something from now on. If I could do that, I can do anything! If you're interested in this sort of thing, here's the short version. I think I mentioned before that I was planning on a water birth and had taken a HypnoBirthing class. HypnoBirthing is self-hypnosis (essentially very deep relaxation) that centers around delivering your baby calmly and with as few interventions as possible. It goes on the premise that birth doesn't have to hurt like we are taught in our culture. We expect it to hurt, so it does because our bodies tense up, and the tension causes the pain and actually hinders the baby's progress coming out. I'd been practicing with the relaxation exercises almost daily for months, to the point where it became completely ingrained in me and I could get myself in that zone anytime. I wasn't scared about giving birth at all. I knew we would have a calm, relaxed labor and birth...and yes, I know, "calm" and "relaxed" are not typically words you hear to describe giving birth! But I can honestly say that's exactly how it was. Anyway, I was planning on an all-natural birth, and I almost got it. The first sign my labor had started was my water breaking. I started having contractions (called "surges" in HypnoBirthing, which sounds less scary!) not long after that and started playing the HypnoBirthing exercises on my iPhone. When the contractions were about a minute apart, my midwife asked me to come into the office to get checked out to make sure I wouldn't get admitted into the hospital too soon. I was 4 cm then, so we went ahead to the hospital. I was talking through my contractions. We all thought it would be a pretty fast labor...but baby girl had other plans. I labored in the shower, in the water birth tub, standing up leaning against a chair...I had no concept of how much time had passed, as I was completely in my zone of relaxation, and nothing could interrupt it. No one could even tell when I was having a contraction unless I held my hand up for them to be quiet during it.

Eventually, over 30 hours had passed, and she was very low but not getting any lower. My body started to give out; it was most comfortable at that point to labor standing up and rocking from side to side (I had to give up my water birth because her heart rate had increased enough to where there was a risk for infection), and my legs were shaking and could barely hold me up anymore. I had the incredible urge to bear down, but it wasn't accomplishing anything. I developed a slight fever, and at that point, we needed to help her out a little. I was 9.5 cm then and not in pain...I mean, I wouldn't say labor is the most comfortable thing I've ever done, but I can honestly say it was not painful. We made the decision to induce just a little and get an epidural - again, not for pain but because my body was completely worn out! When it was time to push my little one out, the epidural had worn off enough where I could feel almost everything. It took a lot of energy, and having the epidural had given me time to rest and try to recharge some. I continued using my HypnoBirthing techniques throughout. Just when I thought I had expended all my energy again, my husband said, "Your dream is about to come true!" and that gave me the last burst of energy I needed. And then, suddenly, there she was! They put her on my chest, and I can't even describe the feeling of looking into her face for the first time. I didn't get the natural birth I'd planned on, but I have no regrets. And if I can labor for that long with no drugs until the very end and keep myself absolutely calm and relaxed throughout, good God, I can do anything! And, I might add, any woman who has birthed a human being out of her body, whether she did it naturally, with drugs, or had a C-section, should feel like she can do anything in life as well! Carrying a baby for 40 weeks, give or take, and then giving birth is nothing short of an amazing feat no matter how you do it.

There's actually nothing special or different about me that enabled me to do it that way any more than anyone else; I'm not more brave. I just have knowledge and resolve going for me. And, okay, I admit I'm one of THE stubbornest people I know, and when I want something, there is absolutely no stopping me. But the ability to birth this way is not unique to me or anyone else...anyone can do it! I learned everything I could, made a decision, took the class and read the book, practiced the relaxation exercises regularly, and, most importantly, believed it's possible. I'm really happy with the way things went; it's our own unique birth story, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. 

So I'm now trying to regain that same sense of calm and confidence as a mom, and I'm getting there! I've started listening to HypnoParenting relaxation exercises and affirmations, and they really help me calm down when I'm freaking out. I had gotten so used to doing the HypnoBirthing exercises every day and then suddenly had nothing like it anymore, and as dramatic as it sounds, I really felt a big hole not having relaxation exercises anymore. HypnoBirthing principles can work for any situation in daily life, and the basic ideas are quite ingrained in me, but I needed something to listen to that was tailored to being a mom rather than birthin' a baby. I felt so different after listening to HypnoParenting. My whole perspective has shifted into something much more positive and less fearful. Some things in particular about it really stuck out to me. One is the part where she has you visualizing hugging and appreciating your inner little girl, which was powerful. It might sound a little cheesy at first, but it's quite healing. That was actually one part of a hypnotherapy session I had years ago that I had kind of forgotten about. It made me see myself the way my mom did, LOVEABLE and WORTHY. Seeing myself as a child, I could see myself similar to how I see my daughter...perfect and wonderful...and there's no reason I wouldn't still be that way now that I'm an adult. Besides, if something so perfect and wonderful came from me, I must be pretty darn awesome. :) Before having a baby, I was one of the most confident, self-assured gals I knew (well, most of the time, anyway), trying to show other girls how to be the same through this blog. But being a new mom has challenged every ounce of my confidence. Most of the calm and "centeredness" I'd had in pregnancy and labor went out the window when my baby cried. It just breaks your heart and takes a while to adjust to hearing it. I feel now like I'm on the right path towards gaining that confidence back, now not just confident as a woman but as a mama. I am deciding to stop doubting myself and chill out. Lately, I've seen some of my mom instincts paying off, even little things like stuff I bought before she was born that we are finding out we need now. It's reaffirming. I'm choosing to focus on the positive things I know I'm doing right and give myself the freedom to just do my best and remember that I don't want to teach her that making mistakes in life is a bad thing and does not make you "less than."

Even if you're not a mom or planning to be one soon, something you can take from this is that even when you've built up a healthy self-confidence level, sometimes things in your life might crop up that challenge it all over again, and that's okay. Just remember how you've drawn strength from within yourself in past situations, and above all, try to get yourself in a relaxed state of mind so that you can calm down and view the situation more objectively. That will help you to know what to do and have the confidence to do it and be your best you. And remember, everyone messes up from time to time. You can beat yourself up for it forever, or you can plunge on and do your best from that point forward.

"What to Expect" at an Open Casting Call :)

Today I did something totally different from anything I've ever done: I went to an open casting call for a movie! "What to Expect When You're Expecting" - I mean, what else would they name a movie about pregnancy than the classic manual? :) They actually film a lot of movies here in Atlanta these days, and several have been close by enough where I could go to the casting calls, but, for whatever reason, I never did, even though I thought about it. Well, when my incredible mother-in-law sent me this article from the newspaper, I knew I had to go to this one since they were calling for pregnant women and babies!

Hubs couldn't go, and I was a tad nervous going alone in case I couldn't figure out where to park and where to go. But then I decided I'm not alone; little baby girl is always with me. ;) That gave me a huge boost of confidence, and off she and I went. I'm ALL about my baby belly, and any chance to show it off is where you will find me!

I got there a little after 1:00, and there were still hundreds  of people waiting! I can only imagine how many actually went since they started at 10 am. Never having done anything like this before, I assumed someone would ask you questions and maybe even shoot a quick video of you to see how you appear on camera. I waited in line about two hours - thankfully, it was indoors in the A/C, and there were seats now and then so I could sit and rest, although it didn't take long for my hungry baby to tell me I should've packed a granola bar. (I should know better by now.) I was so glad I wore comfortable shoes. I chatted with the gals in front and behind me in line. The one in front of me had been an extra before and was there with her beautiful baby girl, and the ones behind us were not pregnant but go to extra casting calls regularly, which I thought was neat. We wound and wound our way through the hotel in line and finally got downstairs. Someone took the little paper I filled out with my info and wrote a number on it, and then I got one picture taken by a guy with a regular digital camera while I held up my number. And that was it! As the article says, you can also submit a photo to them via email or text in lieu of going in person, and now I know it wouldn't have upped my chances to be there. But I'm glad I went in person; just the experience of doing it made me feel so good about myself and was really interesting. It was total and complete cuteness overload with all those adorable babies and children and the equally adorable pregnant women everywhere! I'd hate to have to be the person to decide who makes the cut!

Here's what I wore...I thought maybe they wanted natural-looking people more than dressed to the nines.
I'm assuming they need extras for things like doctor's office waiting rooms and birthing classes. (?)

25 weeks along now (a little over 5 months)!!

I've heard they start filming next weekend and will be shooting the next several weeks, so I have no idea when I'll be contacted if I'm chosen. It's just casting for extras, so you probably won't see me with a speaking role anytime soon...though they do say they might feature some extras with one-liners. But how neat would it be to be on the screen in a movie for even a fraction of a second, especially with my baby belly? Even if we had to pause at just the right moment to catch a glimpse of me, I could tell her someday, "Look, there we are in the movie!"

After I left, I texted Kam to tell her I had done it...I hadn't mentioned anything about it to her before then. She responded that she had just submitted pictures of her and her husband (Vain Shane) for a different movie filming locally! We always seem to be on the same wavelength and do the same things at the same time, even when we're unaware the other is doing it. :)

All in all, it was a really neat experience! Thanks, mom-in-law! And now I have this song stuck in my head. hehe

Well, I bet you I'm gonna be a big star

Might win an Oscar; you never can tell

The movies gonna make me a big star

Cause I can play the part so well

- The Beatles, "Act Naturally"