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Saturday, February 13, 2010

Shoot Me, It's Snowing!

Yesterday was an unusual day here in the backwoods of Georgia. Yes, I live in the country and I love it. There are fewer people to bruise my ego, and the people that do live in my town tend to boost it at that. I say this in the nicest and most gracious way, of course. Anyways, back to the events of yesterday. In a rare occurrence, we were blanketed in a beautiful snowfall that began mid-afternoon and continued until late in the evening. As E-Bug (this is what I shall call my daughter) and VainShane (my love) were gaily running in and out of the house with constant weather updates, I had only one thing on my op! My plan was to have VS take some long overdue pictures of me. I love taking pictures of my family and friends and always bring along my camera wherever I go. Unfortunately for me, I am rarely in any shots unless I take them of myself, which I've actually become quite skilled at doing, but I'll save that for another post.

So as the snow fell, I decided that I would begin the great task of beautifying myself rather than immediately join my family outside. While I really didn't want to waste this precious time, something inside of me said that it was necessary, if not mandatory. This is who I am...I felt obligated to make myself look good before stepping into my own backyard. So 45 minutes later, I had showered, shaved, moisturized, made up my face, and blew dry AND flat-ironed my hair. E-Bug and VS were continuing to keep me posted on the weather and were more than ready to have me join them in what had by now become our wintry paradise of a yard. Camera in tow, we ran through the field, and I began snapping pics of my beautiful family in the beautiful snow. I asked E-Bug to take some shots of VS and me and then asked VS to do the same for E-Bug and me. Finally, it was my turn to pose for the camera, and I did my best to smile and look adorably cute. I was anxious to get back inside so that I could upload my pics, and I was sure I'd gotten at least a couple of acceptable shots.

Sitting in front of my computer, I optimistically looked at the screen as the photos began loading. There was E-Bug, smiling sweetly in her winter hat, snowflakes falling around her and looking lovely. Several shots of VainShane, snowballs in hand (ha ha, no pun intended), looking boyishly charming and sexy. And then there was me. Blurry me. Snowflakes fogging the lens me. In the middle of talking me. Making weird faces me. Crazy eyes me. Blinking me. Where was cute and adorable me? Sexy snow bunny me? The beautiful me I had felt on the inside when VS was snapping away? I was nowhere to be found; however, this awkward, clumsy, downright funny-looking girl was all over my computer. Ugh. I knew what the problem was, and it wasn't could it be, after all? It was him; his knowing face stared at me from across the screen.

VainShane. He is handsome, smart, and a wonderful husband, but give him a camera and he is clueless. Don't take me wrong; I'm sure he could take a perfectly acceptable picture of my daughter or anyone else for that matter. But when it comes to photographing me, he puts forth no effort. Is it too much to ask him to think about the composition and how he could make me look more flattering? Couldn't he just ask himself, "Is this angle going to truly capture my beautiful wife, or will it make her look like a simple-minded, plump, aging housewife?" Am I being unreasonable? Where is Jenarcissist when I need her? She could have made me look to appear as cute on the outside as I did on the inside. She understands. Even E-Bug could have been more successful, after all, I've been teaching her how to take flattering pictures of Mommy since she could hold a camera. So in the end, I have been left with no proof of my cuteness in the snow. What's a girl to do? I'd suggest marrying a photographer...or in my case, train your own! :)

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